My latest poetry book and second of greenYgrey fantasy fiction parody comedy Australia travel on Smashwords are free for this week as an ebook download:
Werewolf of Oz: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/325567
242 Mirror Poems and Reflections: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/321583
My plot to reach Mars has thickened, making me feel like one of those evil geniuses everybody seems to want to be these days; often using me as part of their ego/social media-building efforts!
Amber Heard and Elon Musk
When I saw a story about Elon Musk saying how much a ticket to Mars will cost, it inspired me to write ‘If I can get closer to Amber Heard I reckon Elon will give me a free ticket!?’ on Facebook.
Trump Wall could Disrupt Musk’s SpaceX: Ivanka’s Work?
Then yesterday I saw story about the Trump wall possibly going through Musk’s SpaceX station, so I wrote with self-proclaimed genius self-parody: ‘Ivanka must have heard about my plan to use Amber Heard as a meal-ticket to Mars, with Elon bound to give me a free ticket if I can get closer to Amber. Ivanka’s got her dad to scupper my plans, desperate to keep me on this planet, in the hope that one day we’ll be together.’
Sun and I Very Happy
In reality, back in the real world (or should that be solar system), the sun and I are very happy, and had a lovely first Valentine’s Day together as a couple yesterday.
I don’t think I really want to go to Mars anyway, as it’s farther from the one I love: that great big bundle of life-creating fun, the sun.
#hasamberheard? #hopeamberhasn’theard
The reality behind the parody comedy is that some people are behaving like the above, and I’ve been trying to warn against it throughout my writing, from my first memoir and poems, through my fantasy fiction.
I did that after leaving university because they weren’t interested in it, thinking it too politically incorrect and bad for business.
Hundreds or thousands of young people have since been groomed and/or committed suicide; many of them students. Many are now the perpetrators too though.
Please discount everything you read on this blog since February 6th last year. That evil genius Elon Musk thought I was getting too close to Amber Heard, so he rocketed me up to space, after saying he’d give me a tesla car for blogging about him. I’ve been up there ever since, and just landed back this morning. Here’s a selfie I took last week:
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Parody Comedy Fake News
No, that’s just self-parody, and wishful thinking, on either choice, or what would now probably be called fake news; although the latter is usually meant to describe news that is portrayed as being real.
The lines often blur in the time-deficient, information-overload media we now have.
Amber Inspiration
The photo above is a tesla Musk rocketed up on February 6th last year, attained from Wikipedia.
I was reminded of Amber Heard by the amber weather warning. It was nice to see snow for the first time this year, although it’s hard for people travelling of course.
Heard or Space
Which would I choose if given a choice between a relationship with Amber Heard or a trip to space. In true greenYgrey style, I think it would depend on the length of time.
If it was a short relationship v short trip I’d choose space; if it was long v long I’d choose Amber.
Sorry if it’s not the answer women want!
Apologies to Amber Rudd
When I joked I wanted a relationship with Amber Heard not Amber Rudd it was mainly to make the point that I put my taste in beauty before status or wealth; to support the nice poor women I hear about killing themselves quite often. So Amber Rudd was just a representative of the ‘powerful woman or man’ who might think like that, with a similar name to my favourite super beautiful actress of the time.
I later saw Rudd had written about her husband having an affair with a younger woman, so in that case I was on Rudd’s side, and felt a little sorry about what I’d written, which had been simply for parody comedy reasons, with Rudd a powerful ‘celebrity’ politician already in the full media glare.
I don’t know if she ever read my blog post, and hope she didn’t, but it was nothing personal, and was more about the type of woman (and man) who puts status and wealth before looks and love… and especially those who try to use the former to destroy the latter… as I’ve seen in lots of movies, and I think experienced myself.
But some women think, well, if he’d prefer to go to space, he’s only got himself to blame, and they like men who’ll ‘do anything’ to get them!
AAWsome Women: it Must be February Love (mixed-up vole) in the Air
While women like Amber Heard have been the figureheads, on my travels I’ve been privileged to see and meet many AAWsome women. There, it’s often the lower paid workers, from flyerers to waitresses who’ve brightened up the world; or pedestrians on the ground to air hostesses at altitude.
I’m not boasting of conquests there for those who think that way; it’s all been nice and ethical; as I later read about Moby experiencing in his Porcelain memoir, and wrote about it before on this site’s sister site, fmpoetry.wordpress.com.
Here’s three photos of me from my last family trip to the Scottish glens and lochs, dedicated to the AAWs who’ve brightened up my anniversary travels, from 25th to 30th!:
I think they’re better ones of me than my selfie with sun, which I’ve used a lot more, as it has more interest, due to the golden orb that appeared (and may just be a camera light trick?):
One day there may be space hostesses, but I unfortunately won’t be around then… unless Musk and Branson get their act together!
After another apology to the Akureyri Thor ladies team yesterday I hoped it would be the end of the matter, but something told me last night I had missed something: maybe it was Thor himself, or even Freya. Norse mythology is my favourite by the way, and that’s how I think ‘religion’ should be treated in the twenty-first century (in Christian time!): with openness and humour.
Great Save by Stephanie Bukovec and Saving Tackle by Someone’s Dottir
As a former goalie myself I thought I had to mention the great save by Thor Akureyri goalie Stephanie Bukovec, who’s Croatian, near the end of the highlights. There was also a tough saving tackle to prevent a goal from the rebound by one of the five Thor dottir defenders (could be the cast of a fairy tale, like Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: Bukovec and the Five Dottirs!), who I can tell from my XaW Files: Beyond Humanity research hail from Iceland, and either Hanne, Asgrim, Hlyn, Einar or Kristin: Hannesdottir, Asgrimsdottir, Hlynsdottir, Einarsdottir or Kristinsdottir. By their place in the centre of defence I reckon it’s most likely to be Hlynsdottir, followed by Asgrimsdottir or Einarsdottir!?:
I didn’t know any of the Thor players before researching it this morning, so all the rest of this blog post has developed from that real thought that I’d forgotten to mention the great point-blank save by the Thor goalie, that I’d have really been proud of when I was playing in goal… and proud of the outfield skill, shots and header shown in the game too.
Here’s the Wolfe TV highlights again for you to check out the save and tackle yourself, and good luck to Thor for the future, and especially those long trips back to Akureyri! Good luck to Wolfsburg for the weekend too of course.
Another week, another apology to Akureyri. After a triple apology last week, following Wolfsburg Women’s 1-0 win there, with the winner scored by my player of the century, Pernille Harder; and suggesting they adopt the It’s a Long Way to Tipperary song, after neither the greenYgrey or me reached there, I saw that Wolfsburg finished off the job with a 2-0 win in Wolfsburg, with Harder getting the first. Wolfsburg were of course stars of my last fantasy fiction travel quest trilogy, XaW Files: Beyond Humanity.
Respectful Admiration and Parody Comedy, greenYgrey style
To show this is mostly parody comedy, I didn’t even know it was a two-leg tie, or I would have suggested the second leg as a great time to introduce their version of the famous war song.
However, in true greenYgrey style, just because I’m writing it as parody comedy doesn’t mean I don’t take women’s football seriously, or am insincere in my respect and admiration for Pernille Harder and the rest of the Wolfsburg team, or their Akureyri Thor opponents.
There was a mixture of skilful football and hard tackling in the game. Harder took her headed goal coolly well, and curling shots and intricate back-flicks were my highlights from the highlights on YouTube:
I would have loved to have been there, but haven’t received an invite!
Norway is playing down its Winter Olympics success, according to the New York Times, via MSN, so I’ll claim it as being down to my influence, which also scores 93 on the all new for 2018, and not used for a while parodymeter (any outsourcing funding for vulgar victory celebrations from Norway [as cited for Winter Olympics sports in the article] will be reluctantly accepted).
I didn’t think I’d taught Norwegians much about snow from the day I spent on Bergen’s Mount Ulriken in 2013 but it is now obvious that I did!
Maybe this inspired athlete was one of Norway’s gold medallists in Pyongchang?:
Running the Tromso Midnight Sun Marathon in 2007 also must have taught them a thing or two about endurance!!
Norway also provided the cover star for XaW Files: Beyond Humanity of course!
I wannabe… an artist
not an administrationist
pastiche of S*x Pistols’ Anarchy in the U.K.
If I’d continued in academia I could be a Professor earning big bucks now, with a P.A. doing my admin, and postgraduate students doing my proofreading; or editors at my publishers. I’d have a publicist saying how good I am, instead of me having to proclaim myself a self-proclaimed genius. So please don’t jump on me for this admission of failing.
I’m not a technophobe, and enjoy the freedom it gives me, and the art it allows me to create and share, but I try not to get too bogged down in it, balancing it with nature etc, as I think it’s healthier for me and my mind.
My Iceland trip was all organised by me, as were all my solo trips, including some with marathons included. Thankfully, I’ve never made a big mistake, such as getting the wrong dates or place.
Ice Sculpture Complete Picture
However, after taking over a hundred photos in Iceland, while transferring them from phone to computer in groups of seven or eight via gmail, which is how much they can send in each email, I seemed to have missed a line of four photos, and they were the build up to my ‘all important’ ice sculpture on the Borgarfjordur Beach that I posted one close-up photo for before.
When I saw that one photo, and wrote I thought the creation of that ice-sculpture deserved a blog post of its own, half in self-parody, I remembered taking a few photos, but when I looked them up on the computer the next day I found just that one.
I must admit, I didn’t think that I couldn’t have transferred it from phone to computer, which is even more negative to me than missing transferring it in the first place. I know it’s lapses like that that make the Mister Men denounce my Doctorhood, but that’s because they don’t know that Doctorhood is about genius not commonsense! I feel I am justified in a little ‘offensive’ humour with most of this blog self-parody admission of mental failing, as well as trying to be the People’s Doctor for over a decade.
AD Icy
In mitigation, I can put it down to ADHD, if you believe me, and add that I was both times in a state of coffilosophy, which can aid fast creative rambling writing such as this, but isn’t so good for clear logical thinking. I also try to complete these blog posts as quickly as possible.
Anyway I found the other four photos this morning, and here’s a slideshow of the full sequence, seeing strange blocks of ice ice-so-lated (isolated) on the beach, reminding me of a baby seal, then finding one both beautiful in a sheer transparent diamond kind of way, and movable.
YouTube Easy Transfer
I also found out this morning that it’s easy to transfer videos from the phone to YouTube, after them being too big for gmail had stopped me transferring them before; only took me three weeks to try straight to YouTube!
Ironically, it was inspired by time between events at the snowy icy Winter Olympics! Lots of impressive sporting achievements there, and improvised art by viewers too, reminiscent of my ice sculpture, which I know really, doesn’t compare to the stuff seen at ice hotels etc!
In mitigation, the process from my old camera was often laborious, and the videos are not that sensational, more for my personal enjoyment, as I loved my day on the Borgarfjordur, and the next day to the north of Borgarnes. So it was as much about nonchalance as no chance… of technological capability.
I’ve got there in the end, which reminds me of a thought I had yesterday, with most of the issues I started campaigning about fifteen years ago now having been realised, but would they have happened anyway, if I’d just ignored them, and taken the big bucks path… instead of the sunny nature one!
To reclaim my self-proclaimed genius status, pointing out what I’ve done, although I had no plans to do it when I started off this coffilosophy ‘spontaneous prose’; adding to the tradition of my travel writing hero (Kerouac); the last paragraph brought this blog post around to the start, while also introducing my YouTube videos, with one in particular providing an image looking like a path to the horizon sun, between light snow and dark clouds.
Okay, I’ll post it here, but there’s five more over on YouTube, including one or two quite exciting ones, of ice breaking on the bridge; while others are more serene, capturing the peacefulness of the day.
Don’t cry for me Scandinavia
The truth is, your countries are colder (on average)
Just a little self-parody comedy to start this blog; a cover-version of:
Don’t cry for me, Argentina
The truth is, I never left you
Read more: Madonna – Don’t Cry For Me Argentina Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Y-Dawn Day Beer/n and Gone
January 21st has passed, so we are now in the muse months of the greenYgrey world’s aid to psychologically surviving the winter; I know it won’t keep you warm or full, but that’s the government’s job.
The four months of mistYmuse were mostly conceived to pass the hardest months of the year for those who don’t like winter (such as S.A.D sufferers), so mostly Y-Dawn Day marks the end of perhaps the toughest part, and the later lighter days show that winter is nearing its end, and spring isn’t far away.
It happened to coincide with my last day in Iceland, so I celebrated with three pints of Gull in Reykjavik (my fourth and fifth of the year), spending the last of my coins, apart from a small one kept as a memento; continuing what is now a thirty-one-years-old tradition!:
Iceland’s Excellent Parody/Satire Humour
I think I can write freely with parody and satire about Scandinavia because I know they have a fantastic tradition of free press and speech, mirroring being top of the gender and social equality league tables nearly all the time.
I also saw evidence of such funny comedy in the Reykjavik Grapevine, English language newspaper. While I don’t consider it as cleverly subtle as mine, its obviousness probably gets the message across to the casual reader more. English is of course not Icelanders’ first language either; something their generally excellent skills and willingness to talk it makes you forget; which makes it all the more impressive.
Here’s an example from the RG, part of an obviously OTT (Over The Top) round-up of Icelandic footballers playing in Europe, showing a jovial attitude to religion in a country that still respects and reveres their pagan traditions:
‘After Albert Gudmundsson was absurdly shown red in a Jong PSV match against Fortuna Sittard for an alleged beating motion that never happened, he sought the aid of Tyr, Norse God of law and justice, trusting in him to resolve the situation. After Tyr familiarised the Dutch disciplinary committee with the proverb, “Fear the reckoning of those you have wronged,” they immediately reversed the referee’s three-match punishment, terrified that an uncontrollable rage was building within Albert’s psyche.’
If you like such comedy, XaW Files is full of it, as were Werewolf of Oz and Greenygrey’s Rambles:
Exciting news, as I’m A Celebrity 2017 winner Georgia ‘Toff’ Toffolo and I have been in the studio with the X-Factor team working on cover versions of Chas and Dave’s classics, cashing in on Christmas, with Ain’t No Pleasing You our first single.
We’re going to be marketed as Chav and Toff, with both names featuring four letters like the Cockney legends. Chav also features the Cha of Chas, while Toff is a champagne Cockney.
In line with the trend of combining celebrity couple names, we’ll be known as Chaff.
No, unfortunately the above is self-parody, but my books are original and real, and contain similar comedy if you liked this Chas and Dave Christmas special! I know chaff is generally a negative word in society, and include it for the above disposable comedy rather than for Toff, who I think is very valuable – as a person rather than financially.
Thanks to Manchester City for promptly paying me the million pounds for winning the war of words with Mourinho before the derby with United last week, meaning they could win the football game as they should have done.
No, unfortunately the above is self-parody comedy, and I’ve got no connection with Manchester City. I didn’t win a war of words with Mourinho as there was none, as there was none between him and Guardiola, as the latter didn’t engage in it, after Mourinho seemed to start it.
I first started my own war of words with Mourinho at the start of last season inspired by other people trying to do the same with me (the Grandmaster ‘battle of wits’ reference that crossed over), to show how ‘one-sided’ battles happen.
If Manchester City had lost the derby, it would have provided ammunition for those who try to engage me in unwanted ‘battles of wit’ as I have done with Mourinho, but City won the game.
Although I engaged Mourinho in this way mainly to show an example of a ‘one-sided’ battle he does seem to like that kind of management, which is an excuse for me to engage him in such a way.
Maybe that’s what people think about me, and of course they have the right to criticise me in a free democracy. And as Mourinho doesn’t think I’m worthy of responding to, as I’m not in the football profession, I don’t think those who try to engage me in a ‘battle of wits’ are worth bothering with either if they’re not in the professional media world.
As a Communications Studies PhD I probably could have earned a million in PR over the last decade, instead of writing here for you, and trying to achieve a classic work of literature…!
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